Types of people at Starbucks

We all know these people...

Kaitlynn Koppenhaver and Yuri Cain

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Starbucks is a wondrous place of caffeine and free wifi. Sometime, their customers are a little less than wondrous. Yuri and I compiled a list of these typical coffee drinkers. If you or someone you know can relate, leave a comment or email us at [email protected]

The Regular:

This person goes to Starbucks on the daily without ever missing a beat. In fact, they go so often that they are on a first name basis with the barista and their order is known as “the usual” as soon as they walk up to the cash register. You simply cannot hate this person because they seem so nice, but you envy them more than life itself.


The Businessman:

This man/woman are on their phone the entire time, telling the barista to “hold on for a second”. We all know this person and the hate we have for them burns deep within us. They are only there for an entire five minutes but manage to make the biggest impression on everyone there- and it isn’t good. Their signature outfit is a suit and sometimes they even top it off with a brief case. You probably didn’t even know Blackberry still made phones until you saw them walk into Starbucks.


The Giggling 13 year old girls:

Oy vey! These lovely ladies make their way down to Starbucks with the Snapchat app already open as soon as they walk through the door. You will spot them easily with their crop tops, high waisted shorts, flannel, and white vans. They all seem to order the Caramel Frappe and throw flirty glances at the much older, cute barista. Starbucks wouldn’t be the same without their giggles every time a cute guy walks in or they sneak a look at the cute cashier, who pays them no mind whatsoever. Nobody can count how many selfies, pictures of their drinks, and “goofy” videos they take, only a madman can guess.

The photographer:

Instagram, an Iphone, and a fancy latte is all this aspiring photographer needs to do their impromptu photoshoot. This person orders the prettiest drink on the menu knowing good and well they will only take a sip of it. After the sip, they throw $4 into the trash seeing as the design is all messed up. Their Instagram and Snapchat include Tumblr inspired photos of the drink at different angles and they pretend to be all knowing of photography. They will hog up a nice table for likes and views from people who really don’t care about what their drink is. You probably have never seen someone so handy with their Iphone and you will roll your eyes as they drop the drink into the trash, satisfied with their picture.


The complicated order:

It takes this person an extra million years to get their double shot, extra whip, no ice, venti, caramel, chai latte. Half the time they stutter in the middle of their order which lets you know that they are still human with the fad diet they have. Their order is so complicated that even the cashier looks extremely confused and the drink ends up looking inedible. We all know they took a miniscule sip of the drink before making their way to Chipotle, which also consists of a weird order.                                                                             


The studious teen:

They have been here for a good five hours, trying to finish their term paper with six cups of coffee under their belt. This person is so hyped up at ten o’clock at night that they forget to actually turn their paper into their teacher. Headphones in, textbooks sprawled all over, and of course they sit in the comfy chairs next to the outlet. You can see in their face that they have been looking at tiny text in a book for hours on end because the bags under their eyes are designer.


Weird Old Man:

This man is there for NO REASON whatsoever. He doesn’t order a drink other than just a cup of water and he will hog up one of the nice cushion seats. He cannot be scrolling through Facebook, as all older people do, because he in fact still has a flip phone. From experience we all know that the scariest part of a flip phone is when you accidentally click the Internet icon. When you first see the old man you may feel sorry for him, you have to force yourself to not go sit and have a chat with him. However, when you have been in Starbucks for the past ten minutes waiting on your friends to arrive you start to notice that he is a little too keen on the customers. This man is the literal definition of trying to be sneaky and barely being able to pull it off. He doesn’t even notice that his ice has melted in his cup because he is too busy looking at everyone secretly. C R E E P !

The Soccer Mom:

This lady has been into Starbucks countless times trying to get orders for her daughter and friends, yet she still barely knows the sizes of cups. You simply cannot hate this poor woman for trying but you sure can get frustrated when she stops up the line for an extra three to five minutes. The long list of orders (including many “Complicated Orders”) from sweaty faced soccer players is probably written on a napkin and she almost can’t see what the order actually says. Her mom jeans and bug looking glasses can entertain you for the long wait though. It only goes downhill from there once she starts becoming that one mom with the short hair cut and repeatedly asks to see the manager. Don’t you dare allow her to whip out her Android phone and get her husband, who’s still in the minivan, on the line because you have some big problems coming your way.

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